First of all.
Patrick, happy birthday. Shit, i don't know your age. Seriously, i miss those days with you guys. Playing around in school, joking around in school and laptop session in class. Those day is so fun, make me feel like gg to school.
Humphs, humphs. I'll not forget you guys. Lastlong with your girlfriend. [:
Baby sleeping again, he's so pig lor. Didn't attend for fam outing, sorry uhs. I think my probation report will be a fail one. Dad don't want to help me. My mom? I don't want her to help as i know she'll harm me. Nobody going to see my probation officer. How about auntie? I don't know yet. I don't have the courage to ask her, i feel so ashamed of myself. Baby is not helping me to ask her. Well, i'm okay with it. This's my responsibility, so i must take it up. I think this time, i'll really go in. Hais. I got nothing much to say. Maybe everybody just dislike me, i'm just like an eye sore to them. I've already used to it ler, this kind of life i really hate it ttm. I'm happy to have those sisters and brothers to accompany me whenever i'm sad. As for baby, same to him, but he's no longer so loving anymore. Time change people change. I believe i'll solve all difficulties problem myself. In my age, i already have so many ups and downs and i believe i'll be stronger in the future. Think back, among my friends, my family background is the most complicated. Baby, you're lucky than me. Don't always feel you're unlucky to born in this family. You still have a house to stay wih your family while i'm homeless. Your dad beat you badly since you was small and its already over since you are primary school. Same to me, my mom beat me up since young till i'm secondary 4. Imagine a secondary student, still being cane by her mom, slap by her mom and ask her to kneel down infront of her mom for several hours? Isn't that pathetic? When you step out of your house, you feel so safe. Is that call a home? I thought home is the most warm and secure? Not only this. When you going to school, you've to think how to cover your bruise. Sometimes, you can't cover as the bruise, cane mark, belt mark, bamboo mark and vaccum mark is too big. Schoolmates and classmates will mock at you, laugh at you and even look at you with those pity look almost everyday. Especially when people keep looking at your bruise, you feel so uncomfortable. This is me, can't imagine right? Almost everyday, i get beaten. Now, think. Are you lucky than me? I always get bully since i was primary school. Baby is the one who save me out from those miserable life but also can say baby cause me to have no family because i choose him instead of my family. Also can say is not he cause me to have no family because i choose to be with him freely. I also have to thanks my secondary school sisters, without you all, i will get bully by others more easily. Baby, so you're lucky than me. Thanks for keeping me in your house, without you, i've already die in the street. Baby, you always said this's my house too but in this house i don't feel sercue, warm and love. Maybe, because of your brother? I don't know.
I feel so helpless now. All my feelings is being bottle up. Baby is already so confused about money, how to support me and etc. I shouldn't add more to his problem. I always laugh so happily, smile so happily but why the fcuk am i doing this? Am i happy? I really don't know. I realise i don't know much about myself. I feel like crying. Yes, i've cried just now. Baby is just beside me but he don't even know. Why is that so? I really need care. I really need some attention. I'm so lonely. Baby, do you know that even you're in the same room with me, i still feel alone. I don't expect too much, i just want my loved to sayang my head with love everyday. Perhaps, this's a habit of mine. I just love ppl sayang my head with love, just like my dad sayang my head when i was small. I just need someone to trust me when the whole world don't trust me. When i wake up, i'll saw breakfast beside me. Is it too much?
Readers, friends and stranger. Be it who lar. SEE WITH YOUR EYES WIDE OPEN!
I don't need your sympathy at all.
I don't need those pity looks.
I don't need those sorry looks.
I don't need those sad comment about me.
Please keep all comments to yourself.
All i need is your love, care and moral support whatever i do.
Ps: Should i go to see my probation officer, or just leave it aside. I am at my wits end. What should i do?